I know it may seem ridiculous. I mean, after all - I lived through the surgery, which is fantastic. I am making great strides in recovery - huge relief... But something just kept pulling at me during week three. Like I was being dragged into the mud. I thought about things that could be in the future. Positive things, things I love to do. People I want to see. But it all just seemed so far away. It's almost as though the tape player in my head was stuck on the negative side and all I could see was the negative side. I don't recall every crying so much in my life as I did that week. Very unsettling. I was quite concerned about how dark things were becoming, so I did what I always do when I am having a terrified hypochondriac moment - I turned to the internet! I researched a little and found that post-op depression is an extremely common symptom of anesthesia. In a way this was a relief, but also frightening when I read of a 21-year old boy who committed suicide 3 weeks post surgery after never suffering from depression before. YIKES! So with a history of mental health behind me, I immediately booked an appointment with my awesome counselor and did A LOT of sleeping. I feared I would never come back out of it, but then something happened...
This is a bit of a delicate matter and did not directly affect me necessarily, however it certainly provided a gigantic boot in the ass for yours truly which sent my depression packing!!!
A dear friend lost her house in a fire which also claimed the life of her mother & her two dogs. This friend is also battling cancer. Needless to say, I was rocked... I sent her some words of love & support, but it never really feels enough! All I can do is send my love... I cannot bring back all she has lost. It made me realize... Live, love & laugh as often as you can. Take NOTHING for granted. I lived through this surgery! I have my mom, dad, Remington, friends... Family... And I LOVE THEM ALL! And am learning to love myself too. And to pursue the life I want now, while I can.
As for my recovery... Things are going well at the close of week three... Going to more shows, seeing more and more people outside my immediate family. Eating more & more complex things. Somehow I only managed one picture from week three...! *lol* ENJOY IT!!!! ^_^
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| I LOVE how unpuffy I look here! I think it's cause I was lying flat on the bed... |
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